Hi! First-time poster. My father was born poor and my mother was raised in a house with five other siblings. With their forces combined, I feel like they’ve managed to find ways to overfeed me and my sister. My sister managed to find a way out and all, but I don’t know how to find my own. It feels like there’s a kind of pressure when it’s them or family friends, they always want you to have *so much*, to the point where it almost feels natural to gorge.

I appreciate it, but at the same time, I end up hating the way I look sometimes. So much so that I’ve ended up developing a bit of an eating disorder. I find myself relapsing more than I’ll admit, and I hate it. I hate feeling like shit when I eat. I hate feeling like shit when I put on a shirt I used to love. I hate feeling my waist suffocate in all my favorite pants. And I don’t want to blame any of them for any of it, so I just end up blaming myself. And then I relapse again and again but it doesn’t do anything. And I know it’s going to end up complicating my health, but I keep doing it because part of my brain tells me it’s better than looking like *this*. I really want to change but I don’t know where to start.

Anyone ever find themselves in this boat before? How’d you get out?

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